SACRAMENTO, CA— Trying not to roll their eyes as the doting mother went on and on about her child, sources confirmed Tuesday that local woman Corinne Lesseder spent the whole eulogy yammering about her kid. “I’m not keeping time, but she’s been talking uninterrupted about nothing but ‘Callen, Callen, Callen’ for nearly five minutes now,” said friend Kris Stanley, who struggled to maintain focus as Lesseder talked at length about her deceased 13-year-old son’s favorite people, places, and activities, going so far as to subject the captive audience to a recording of her child playing his favorite song on the guitar. “Talk about something else, anything else, please. When she said he always loved watching Stranger Things, I thought it would be a great segue to ask if she’d seen the new Sweet Magnolias yet, but nope, couldn’t even get a word in. Don’t you have a life outside your dead kid? Ugh, she is just such a mom! Well, was one.” At press time, Stanley said she had decided that blatantly staring at her phone would send the message that everyone was bored.
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