Silicon Valley Investors Tout Man Who Shows Up To Steal One Of Your Bones As New Tech Innovation

SAN FRANCISCO—Saying the breakthrough had tremendous disruptive potential, a group of Silicon Valley investors on Tuesday touted a man who shows up to steal one of your bones as a bold new tech innovation. “We’re backing this tech because we believe it will completely change the way people think about their bones, something they may have previously taken for granted,” said Brady Chen, a venture-capital fund manager who spoke at a media event, explaining that the man was being beta-tested in the Bay Area and, if successful, could quickly be scaled up to reach larger markets. “This mysterious man, who enters your home while you’re asleep and gets right to work, makes the process of having one of your bones taken by a stranger simpler than ever. You don’t even have to download an app! He just shows up one night and rips out your tibia, pelvis, clavicle, or whichever bone he wants and then tosses it into a big sack before moving along to the next home on his route. It’s truly revolutionary, and with the right leadership team place, we’re confident that by 2025 we’ll have this man in 90% of American households stealing bones.” According to inside sources, engineers are currently hard at work fixing a bug that causes the man, on some occasions, to forget all about the bones and instead devour people’s organs in an insatiable frenzy.