Deflating Chris Christie Whizzes Around Debate Stage After Being Popped By U.S. Flag Pin

MILWAUKEE—In the wake of an aide’s failed attempt to properly affix the patriotic symbol to the former New Jersey governor’s lapel, a rapidly deflating Chris Christie was reportedly spotted whizzing around the GOP debate stage Wednesday after being popped with a U.S. flag pin. “Whooooaaaa, whoaaaaaaa, help meeeeeeee!” said the punctured Christie, who shot over the heads of confused debate participants while aides tried and failed to catch him, his voice growing higher and higher in pitch as he pinwheeled and corkscrewed his way through the Fiserv Forum. “Donald Trump is not fit to be president, and if he was—oh-my-goodness! Help! Help! I’m stuck in the rafters!” At press time, Fox News host Martha MacCallum had reportedly knocked down the fully deflated remains of Chris Christie with a broom, trapping all 5,000 audience members beneath the presidential candidate’s flaccid skin.