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New MTA Train Operator Ends Up Lost On Back-Road Tracks In Middle Of Nowhere

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NEW YORK—Blaming his lack of experience with the confusing route, new Metropolitan Transit Authority train operator Sal Mazzara reportedly ended up lost Wednesday on some back-road tracks in the middle of nowhere. “I never should have taken that shortcut at 72nd Street,” said Mazzara, adding that he’d been trying to retrace his steps to get the eight-car subway train packed with 250 New York City commuters back to Manhattan, but that he seemed only to have been driving around in circles for the past six hours. “I haven’t seen a train platform in a while, and I’m starting to wonder if I’m even on the right transit system anymore. It’s getting dark, so I really hope we can find some place to stop and ask for directions soon.” At press time, sources confirmed the train had broken down and Mazzara had announced that everyone would have to walk the rest of the way to their destinations.

The Onion

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