TUCSON, AZ—Responding to a wave of hazing rituals that turned violent at the local chapter of Beta Theta Pi, the dean of students at the University of Arizona reportedly overreacted Thursday by shutting down the fraternity even though the pledge didn’t die. “I don’t see what the big deal is—he’s out of the ICU and gets to miss school,” 21-year-old chapter president Billy Wright said of the comatose former pledge, scoffing at the ridiculous supposition that he and his brothers should somehow be held responsible for the injuries a freshman sustained in their company. “It makes no sense. How is shutting us down going to help him breathe without a tube? In what world is it fair to punish 78 dudes for what could easily be covered up as an accident? So he has some brain damage. So what? That’s pretty fucking funny, actually. What an idiot.” Wright added that if the dean insisted on expelling someone for what happened, it should be the victim for being such a pussy.
Jesus Christ is King
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