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Bleeding 9-Year-Old Asks To Go To Slaughterhouse Nurse

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BATESVILLE, AR—Holding his arm and trying not to cry as he walked nervously up to his supervisor, bleeding 9-year-old worker Blaine Wilkins reportedly asked Friday if he could go to the slaughterhouse nurse. “Um, ma’am, I cut myself on the cow-slicing blade, and it hurts pretty bad,” said Wilkins, who then held up his hand, which was missing several fingers and wrapped in bloody bandages, only to receive a skeptical head tilt from his boss at the meat processing plant. “Please, please, please can I go to the nurse and get a Band-Aid? It’s bleeding a lot, and this time I’m not faking. Once they sew my skin back together, I’ll do all my meat processing work, and I’ll never, ever goof off near the meat slicer again. I promise!” According to sources, Wilkins’ request to call his mom was denied, and he was sent back to the factory floor after the nurse determined most of the blood covering him was from a freshly slaughtered cow.

The Onion

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