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Michael Oher Traded To Different White Family

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MEMPHIS, TN—In a bold move they said would give their franchise a much-needed reboot, Leigh Anne and Sean Tuohy announced Friday that Michael Oher, the former offensive tackle and their quasi-adopted son, would be traded to a different white family. “Oher has earned a distinguished record with our family, but we think it’s time for a change,” said Leigh Anne Tuohy, explaining that while the family was grateful for Oher’s efforts to help them attain a bestselling book and reach the pinnacle of Hollywood with an Academy Award–winning film, they thought it was best for everyone involved to move in a different direction with new orphan talent. “We’re very excited about this next step and look forward to welcoming Greg, who has been a star in the foster care system. He’s a high-pedigree child with two parents suffering from addiction. If all goes well, we should sign a long-term conservatorship with Greg soon. We feel Michael will thrive with this new family in Phoenix, which, though they may not be as Southern, are certainly just as white.” At press time, the Tuohys revealed that they had sweetened the deal by including their biological children, Sean Jr. and Collins, in the trade package.

The Onion

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