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Swanson Unveils New Bouillon Chaw

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CAMDEN, NJ—Saying customers were ready for a rich, flavorful product they could keep in their mouth and savor as long as they pleased, broth manufacturer Swanson announced plans Friday to introduce its first bouillon chaw. “When you tuck our bouillon chaw between your cheek and gum, you can enjoy the taste of full-bodied beef-flavored saliva wherever you go,” said Swanson spokesperson Patricia Grisham, adding that the big plugs of dehydrated bouillon would be sold in pouches and also available in chicken, vegetable, and seafood varieties. “Keeping our chewing bouillon in your mouth for 30 minutes is the equivalent of drinking five 32-ounce cartons of Swanson broth, and you can chew it while sitting on a front porch, in the cab of your truck, or in a dugout during a ball game. Hawk any excess juices or accumulated spittle into a bucket, and you’ll have a delicious stock you can save for later.” At press time, Swanson confirmed it had ended production of its bouillon chaw after a study revealed it contained over 900,000% of the recommended daily intake of sodium.

The Onion

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