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Democrats Respond To Jacksonville Shooting With Proposal To Remove Black People From Circulation

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WASHINGTON—Following a Jacksonville, FL mass shooting in which a white assailant killed three African Americans, Democrats in the U.S. Senate introduced a bill Monday they said would address the continuing crisis of racially motivated attacks by removing all Black people from circulation. “The only way to prevent Black lives from being cut short by these hateful killers is to drastically reduce the number of Black people allowed in public places, where it is far too easy for them to be shot at,” a visibly moved Majority Leader Chuck Schumer said of the proposed measure, which his Republican opponents claimed would do little to remove the nearly 42 million Black Americans already on the street, arguing that if “a criminal is dead set on getting his hands on a Black person, he’ll find one—legally or otherwise.” “We have to start somewhere, and right now our priority should be making it as hard as possible for virulent racists like the Jacksonville shooter to access the Black people they’re trying to murder. Look at a country like South Korea, Japan, Poland, or Iceland, where shootings like this are very rare—that’s because there are so few Black people for would-be killers to target in the first place. I’m not naïve. I know this piece of legislation would only be the first step in controlling the spread of Black people, but a national registry is the simplest, most straight-forward way to keep track of the American Americans in our communities.” Schumer went on to outline a comprehensive buy-back program that would allow any American to turn in a Black person for a cash payment, no questions asked.

The Onion

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