Americans Explain Why Mitch McConnell Should Step Down

“You really shouldn’t be exposed to sunlight if you’re 85% goo or more.”

“It’s time his family members stepped in and placed him in a lobbying firm.”

“He’s already at that meat-falling-off-the-bone stage.”

“As a physician specializing in geriatric medicine, I can say it is clear from the video that he is old as shit.”

“We need lawmakers who approach policy with a fresher, more youthful view of white supremacy.”

“I’m delusional enough to think we can get a Democrat elected in his place.”

“I think we can all agree there should be term limits for politicians we don’t like.”

“I’m really into the idea of retirement being the beginning of something amazing! Mitch still has 40 or 50 years to devote to becoming an amazing figure skater or watercolor artist.”

“I think we should set the age limit for any politician at 12.”

“We specifically set up our society to guarantee that our nation’s elderly would wither away into nothingness out of sight of the rest of us.”

“His mental infirmities are slightly weirder and more difficult to get my head around than those of our other major political leaders.”

“I know if that were my elderly father up there, I’d want him beheaded for the evil he’s inflicted upon America.”

“The daily work of stigmatizing trans kids and forcing women to give birth takes incredible concentration, and I just think Mitch is getting too old to do that.”

“I’d like to be able to look at my senator without vomiting.”

“I’m sure he’s still got a lot of slurs left to say on his bucket list.”

“I require pleasuring at home.”

“We the living cannot allow ourselves to be ruled by the dead.”

“He deserves some time to relax before spending eternity in hell.”