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The Song of Songs is chock-full of memorable love lines (fauns, anyone?) — but not all of Solomon’s romantic poetry was included in the final cut. Here are nine rejected lines that didn’t quite make the grade:
- Your legs are like a pod of whales – Such a beautiful image.
- Your hips are wide as the Red Sea, perfect for child-bearing – Aww!
- The rouge of your cheeks is like the deep red of the blood that flowed from 600 Philistines as Shamgar slew them with an ox goad – Would have made his lady blush, for sure.
- Your breasts….mmmm. I forgot what I was saying – Solomon had such a way with words.
- Your thighs are like thunder, striking the plains of Israel – Hubba-hubba.
- You’re so hot, if we were traveling through a foreign land I’d pretend you were my sister – High praise.
- Your eyes are like two incredibly complex sensory organs that refract light through the cornea and crystalline lens into focus on the macula to trigger photoreceptor cells which transmit signals via the optic nerve and subsequent neural pathways to the occipital cortex: Man, Solomon was so ahead of his time.
- Your neck is like a tower, and your Adam’s apple…hey, wait a minute! – Solomon became a little wiser that day.
- Yes I love my concubines, but not as much as you, my wife —But I still love my concubines. Always and forever, always and forever – brings a tear to your eyes!
Some tough edits, but these nine had to go! Wise choices, King Solomon.
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Babylon Bee
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