New Community Health Program Teaches Low-Income Americans To Ignore Symptoms

NEW YORK—In an effort to educate low-income residents on the most affordable treatment options available to them, NYU Langone Health rolled out a new program Monday aimed at teaching community members to ignore their symptoms. “We want low-income and other marginalized people living in our community to have the skills and knowledge they need to identify and then neglect the troubling symptoms they can’t afford to treat,” said spokesperson Elena Harmon, who shared that the hospital had received a $5 million federal grant from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services that would be used to arm residents with powerful strategies they could use to let any troubling symptoms go untreated. “The first thing we tell people is to never, ever go to the emergency room. Something as simple as sudden, unexplained headaches could be a serious sign of medical bankruptcy. Denial and self-delusion are skills that every low-income American should have in their tool belt, so that if they find a strange mole or experience sudden unexplained weight loss, they know they should shrug, sit down in front of the television, and try to forget the whole thing.” At press time, Harmon added that no matter what, ailing low-income Americans should not take any time away from work.