Coffee Shop Onlookers Speculate About Unimaginable Riches Awaiting 43-Year-Old Reading ‘7 Habits Of Highly Effective People’

CHICAGO—Gawking at the man who they speculated would become the world’s next billionaire, onlookers at Higher Ground Café spoke to reporters Wednesday about the unimaginable riches that were surely awaiting the 43-year-old reading The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People. “With the meteoric rise he’s bound to experience after executing Stephen Covey’s principles of effective self-leadership, collaboration, and improvement, it won’t be long before that guy is buying a superyacht and two or three vacation homes,” said coffee shop customer Justin Schoenberg, adding that as soon as the reader had finished the self-help book, he would probably take over the entire company he worked for and put himself in charge as CEO. “Looks like he’s two or three chapters in already, which means he’s bound to make his first million by the end of the week. It’s kind of awe-inspiring being this close to someone who’s probably thinking right now about the fleet of luxury cars he’ll be buying any day now. Nothing’s ever going to stop this guy.” At press time, onlookers confirmed the man had closed the book and picked up his phone, presumably to book himself a seat on a commercial space flight.