Court Upholds Congressional Map That Sealed Black Voters In Impenetrable Cube

JACKSON, MS—Concluding that the lightless, indestructible structure did not breach the state’s constitution, the Mississippi Supreme Court issued a 7-2 decision Thursday upholding a congressional map that sealed Black voters into an impenetrable cube. “This court’s judgement finds that there is no state or federal statute violated by trapping all 1.1 million Black residents in an inescapable 275-mile-wide cube,” wrote Chief Justice Michael K. Randolph in his majority opinion, arguing that the cube, which would vibrate violently and emit a high-pitched screech if approached or warmed to temperatures above negative 5,000 degrees Kelvin, seemed to have been summoned to imprison African American residents without specifically prejudicial intentions. “What’s more, the cube appears to be made of an ancient material that cannot be destroyed and merely grows larger and more powerful as it absorbs any jackhammers or pickaxes used upon it, along with their holders. As such, attempting to disassemble it—which appears impossible anyway—presents an undue burden upon the state government.” The court also concluded that the cube did not violate Black Americans’ 15th Amendment rights, although it did appear to violate all known laws of physics.