We sat down with Ontario Premier Doug Ford to discuss the Greenbelt scandal and how he plans to fix his damaged reputation.
Premier Ford thank you for agreeing to this interview.
“Yeah let’s hurry this up. You want to talk about Ford Fest right?”
Uh maybe later. But first, do you expect Ontarians to believe you didn’t know which developers owned the lands you were removing from Greenbelt protection?
“I don’t micromanage. I didn’t stand over Steve Clark or Ryan Amato’s shoulder while they selected which lands to approve. I just told them to make my developer friends as rich as possible. How they did it was their call.”
Why was it necessary to remove any land from the Greenbelt?
“We need housing. All kinds of housing. Apartments, townhouses, semis etc. But the thing we need most of all are 3 million dollar mansions far removed from any infrastructure.”
Then why did you originally promise not to touch the Greenbelt before instructing then-Housing Minister Steve Clark to open it up for development?
“At this point if you believe something a politician says during an election campaign, then that sounds like your problem to me.”
Were you disappointed Steve Clark resigned after you publicly backed him?
“I was sad to lose such a dedicated, hard-working criticism buffer.”
What is the best way for Ontarians who oppose the Greenbelt changes to make their voices heard?
“My nephew has a birthday party coming up at a bowling alley. Tickets are 375 bucks. Swing on by.”
Are you worried about the RCMP possibly launching a criminal investigation into the matter?
“Not as much as I would be if a competent police force was investigating me.”
And is there any chance of you reversing your decision on the Greenbelt lands?
“About as much of a chance as CTV reversing the decision to cancel your tv show.”
Ouch. Low blow. Well some political insiders think the reason you won’t change course is that the developers who stand to profit from this are threatening you. And not just in the political sense. Any comment?
“Who you been talking to? Big Vinny? Little Vinny? Medium Vinny?”
No it’s just…
“You fuckers aren’t wearing a wire are you?”
No. I mean we’re recording this because it’s an interview. But we’re just using our phone.
“Good. Because you know what they say. Snitches get left in the dumpster behind a family restaurant in Woodbridge.”
I hadn’t heard that. Thank you for your time.
“I better see your punk ass at Ford Fest.”
Jesus Christ is King
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