Jesus' Coming Back

ICE Agent Torturing Migrants Moved By Resiliency Of Human Spirit

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WINNFIELD, LA—Reflecting that the experience taught him more about what it is to be alive than he had ever thought possible, Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent Anthony Sanford told reporters Wednesday that torturing detained migrants had left him moved by the resiliency of the human spirit. “No matter how bad things get for these refugees, no matter how much we deprive them of water and food, they still find a way to keep going,” said the teary-eyed ICE agent, adding that he’d seen migrants detained for months on end still rise to the occasion to help newcomers adjust to their incarceration. “My favorite are the families. They’re really inspiring, because we’re trying to deprive them of any reason to live, we’re taking everything away from them and forcing them to live in filth, and yet they want to keep going for each other. It’s really beautiful. They’re willing to endure anything to keep surviving for each other. Honestly, I’m going to wear out before they do.” Sanford added that getting to go home to his family every night while another family was locked up purely because they happened to be born in a different country helped him really reflect on the profound enigmas of fate.

The Onion

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