PLATTSMOUTH, NE—Recoiling in shock after he opened a drawer and spotted the odd-looking implement, disgusted local teen Aiden Moore reported Thursday that he had stumbled upon a crazy sex toy belonging to his parents. “Oh my God, this is way too freaky—what hole are they even putting this into?” said Moore, 15, who examined the unfamiliar device and reportedly grew horrified as he imagined the kinds of crude sexual acts it must have been designed for. “There’s a handle and some kind of spiral part that must spin around and—ugh, I did not need to know this about my parents. Why do they have this, and why on earth do they keep it in the kitchen?” At press time, sources confirmed the revolted teenager had put the strange contraption in his pocket to try it out later.
Jesus Christ is King
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