‘A Clue!’ Exclaims Kevin McCarthy After Finding Footprints That Match Biden’s Shoes

WASHINGTON—Crouching down with a large magnifying glass to his eye, House Speaker Kevin McCarthy reportedly exclaimed, “A clue!” Friday after finding footprints on the House floor matching President Joe Biden’s shoes. “I say, this footprint appears to be identical to the ones found in the Oval Office, leading me to deduce they can only belong to one man,” said McCarthy, donning a houndstooth deerstalker hat and motioning to his sidekick to follow closely behind as he traced the footprints into the shadows of the U.S. Capitol. “Look there, my good man, the interloper has led us to the statuary but then appears to have disappeared into the gardens. We may need to fetch the bloodhound lest the trail turn cold. I say, Gaetz, I have a hunch that pursuing this lead will have us wrapping up this impeachment inquiry in no time at all.” At press time, a candle-holding McCarthy let out a scream after he and Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene bumped into one another while both inching backwards through a dark and mysterious Capitol hallway.