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Drew Barrymore Opens GM Assembly Plant Amid Impending Autoworker Strike

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NEW YORK—Claiming that she would “own this choice,” actor, producer, and talk show host Drew Barrymore announced the opening of her new General Motors assembly plant Thursday amid the impending autoworkers strike. “While I know it’s not what everyone wants, this factory is bigger than just me, so we will immediately start building our own Chevrolet Malibus and GMC Sierras,” said Barrymore, donning a hard hat and safety goggles before adding that the new facility would not violate any United Auto Worker strike rules because she would not be discussing or promoting any vehicles that she builds. “I want to be there to do what our autoworkers do so well, which is build cars. It’s important that I continue that work by manufacturing every single vehicle myself, so tomorrow morning I will be on the assembly line and will continue doing that work until the UAW strike ends.” At press time, television host Bill Maher and the cast of The View announced that the looming strike had compelled them to open assembly plants for Ford and Chrysler, respectively.

The Onion

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