NEW YORK—In the wake of an Achilles tear that ended the quarterback’s first season with the New York Jets, a resilient Aaron Rodgers vowed Friday to return more detached from reality than ever. “I’m deeply humbled by all the support from the Jets faithful that I’ve received, and it’s my promise that I’ll be back by the beginning of next season more unhinged than ever before,” Rodgers wrote in an Instagram post, adding that he planned to spend the next 12 months absorbing as many half-baked ideas and as much outright misinformation from the internet as he could. “I’m already working with several podcast hosts to discuss opinions that aren’t based in any sort of objective truth or reality, and that makes me confident my brain will be 100% addled by next year. In a way, maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Although it sucks to be injured and not be out on the field with my teammates, it will give me time to reflect on the batshit things I believe in and maybe even detach from reality altogether.” At press time, Jets front office officials announced that Rodgers had successfully refused medical treatment on the injured Achilles by declaring that he didn’t believe in doctors and would heal the injury through the power of breathing.
Jesus Christ is King
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