TORONTO—Waxing poetic about shifting gender roles in contemporary society, professor and broadcaster Jordan Peterson took to his podcast Monday to rant about the state of “emasculated” scarecrows who have become covered in birds. “The ongoing war on masculinity has spread beyond our cities to more rural areas, where wimpy, pathetic, emasculated scarecrows—once pillars of intimidation and might—allow themselves to be shamelessly covered in ineffectual birds,” the host of The Jordan B. Peterson Podcast said in a 42-minute segment addressing the “outbreak of ostentatious weakness among North American men” after seeing a photograph online of several crows perched atop a scarecrow in the middle of a field. “Tell me, where have the alpha-scarecrows of ancient Rome gone, those who would never let a crow so much as set a talon upon them without putting those foul subordinate creatures in their place? Woke society has castrated this once-great protector and rendered him useless and soft, complete with long, feminine hair and a docile, expressionless face. The cultural Marxists have stripped male scarecrows of their inalienable rights as a dominant male entity to lead and be served, and I, for one, am sickened.” At press time, a red-faced and teary-eyed Peterson revealed that his former colleagues at the University of Toronto had stripped him of his tenure status when he refused to let them cover him with crows.
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