AG Garland’s Impartiality Questioned Due To Conspicuous ‘Kill Trump’ Tattoo On Forehead

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Attorney General Merrick Garland’s integrity was called into question during a hearing before the House Judiciary Committee Wednesday when Republican lawmakers noted the “Kill Trump” tattoo emblazoned on his forehead.

“You can’t sit there and pretend you’re impartial,” chairman Jim Jordan (R) said, calling out the AG’s conspicuous tattoo. “It literally says ‘Kill Trump’ on your face.”

Television coverage of the event was forced to blur the attorney general’s forehead, making it impossible for independent fact-checkers to weigh in, but they did anyway.

“I didn’t see any tattoos on my TV. I couldn’t even see Merrick Garland. I just saw some blurry figure that may or may not have been bigfoot,” reported Politifact. “We therefore declare the attorney general’s integrity as ‘through the roof’ and give this story about a ‘Kill Trump’ tattoo five Pinocchios.”

At publishing time, Merrick Garland returned to the seedy tattoo parlor so he could have “K-I-L-L” and “M-A-G-A” inked onto his bare knuckles.

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