Annoyed Murderer Starting To Worry Woman Never Going To Check Behind Shower Curtain

BAR HARBOR, ME—As he shifted his feet impatiently and tried to pass the time until his hiding spot was discovered, sources confirmed Wednesday that annoyed serial killer Ernest Vershbow was starting to worry the woman he lay in wait for was never going to check behind the shower curtain. “For the past 20 minutes, I’ve been standing here holding the perfect silhouette so she’ll peek over here and see a man brandishing a knife, but she still hasn’t noticed,” the murderer reportedly thought, adding that he was getting tired of waiting for the woman to whip open the curtain and scream so he could stab her to death. “I guess I could run through the apartment and hunt her down, but the effect just wouldn’t be the same without that moment of shock and terror that comes from suddenly realizing a crazed sociopath has been right there in the shower the whole time. I tried letting out a low, sinister laugh—a kind of “heh, heh, heh”—hoping she’d check in here, but that didn’t work. Even when I loudly cleared my throat a few times, she just kept going about her business, completely oblivious to my presence. This whole murder has been a bust.” At press time, an increasingly irritated Vershbow complained that the woman had still not discovered him, even though he had now slipped in the shower, broken his neck, and was desperately calling out for help.