CAMBRIDGE, MA—In what is being hailed as a major breakthrough in the field of geological research, scientists from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology announced Thursday they had discovered that the Earth’s core can play Blu-rays. “As far as we can tell, since its formation approximately 1 billion years ago, the planet’s ultradense inner core has had the ability to read Blu-ray discs, but it wasn’t until the format’s invention in 2005 that anyone thought to conduct an experiment to prove it,” said geologist David Turrell, head of the research team that spent two decades and $280 million showing that the 9,400-degree, solid-iron center of the planet can play a Blu-ray but appears incompatible with both DVDs and VHS tapes. “All you need is an HDMI cable to connect it to whatever screen you’re using, and the Earth’s inner core will play your movie, no problem. Of course, you’ll have to travel 4,000 miles below the planet’s surface to hook it up, but the great thing about the core is that it will read your Blu-ray regardless of region code, so even if your copy of Hot Tub Time Machine is from Europe or Asia, you should be good to go.” The researchers went on to state that they were in the process of applying for millions of dollars in additional grant money to discover whether the Earth’s core can play PS5 games.
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