Snickering Teen Angels Appear Before Mike Pence To Tell Him It’s Totally God’s Will To Keep Running For President

CARMEL, IN—Struggling to keep a straight face while addressing the Republican candidate, snickering teen angels reportedly appeared before Mike Pence Friday to tell him it was totally God’s will that he keep running for president. “God told us to tell you that He needs you to be commander-in-chief, so it’s super important you don’t drop out of the race, no matter how bad you’re doing,” said Ahian, a low-ranking juvenile angel covered in cystic acne, who was unable to believe his luck when the former vice president actually seemed to buy the group’s story. “The fate of the Republican Party lies in your hands. And um, like, all of Christianity! Look at us, we’re angels—would we lie about this? God’s going to put you on Mount Rushmore, I swear!” At press time, the angels reportedly demanded Pence now buy them a six-pack of Smirnoff Ice.