Man Locks Down Marriage Proposal Just As Hair Loss Becomes Noticeable

GATLINBURG, TN—Having assessed the evidence in the couple’s wedding photos, sources reported Monday that local man Kevin Butryn appeared to have locked down his marriage proposal to wife Sandra Lewis just as his hair loss was becoming noticeable. “Whoa, check out that receding hairline! He just made it in by the skin of his teeth,” said family friend Julian Martinez, adding that as soon as Butryn saw his hair accumulating in the shower drain, he no doubt realized it was time to buy a ring or be alone for the rest of his life. “Man, he timed it perfectly. Got down on one knee before his thinning hair was obvious in the dim lighting of a romantic restaurant. If he had waited even a moment longer, she definitely would have said no.” Reached for comment, Lewis told reporters she was aware of Butryn’s male pattern baldness at the time of his proposal but said yes anyway, explaining that she was not a superficial person and would never, on the basis of hair loss, turn down a man with such a big cock.