Nobel Prize In Physics Awarded To God

STOCKHOLM—Honoring the deity’s transformational and enduring contributions to the scientific field, the 2023 Nobel Prize in Physics was awarded Monday to God, our Creator, who devised the Heavens and the Earth in all their brilliance. “This prize recognizes the Lord’s foundational work in developing the sun, the moon, and all the manifold stars in the cosmos,” said Hans Olsson, a member of the Nobel Committee for Physics, who went on to praise the elegance of God’s insight in separating the day and night, thereby developing the very concept of time, without which physics itself would be functionally meaningless. “Beyond that, this year’s laureate also created the laws of physics, which continue to be of inestimable importance to the field. In that sense, this is really long overdue.” At press time, God’s Nobel Prize had been rescinded after it was discovered that He had taken credit for the work of Lise Meitner, the late Austrian physicist who first created light and set the universe into motion but was overlooked for the prize because she was a woman.