HOLLYWOOD, CA – Following a months-long strike that saw the Writers Guild of America negotiating with Hollywood producers for fair wages and protections against AI writing programs, members are celebrating a tentative deal by finding any and all excuse not to sit down and complete any writing.
“This is a historic day for our industry,” explained junior television writer Grant Wellson as he watered every single plant in his Silver Lake apartment. “Finally we can get back to the work that we all feel so passionate about, right after I finish alphabetizing my entire record collection.”
WGA president Meredith Stiehm was quick to credit solidarity amongst Guild members for extracting concessions from the AMPTP negotiators. “While this was fundamentally a labor action, the truth is we are all artists who love to write,” Stiehm explained, “right after we’ve brewed a perfect cup of french press coffee, done the dishes, and scrolled through Twitter for a minimum of 45 minutes.”
From industry towns like Los Angeles and New York, to independent writers across America’s heartland, news of the tentative end to the strike was met with a flurry of arranging patio furniture, cleaning out bedroom closets, and in some rare cases, making calls to elderly family members.
“I can think of no better way to celebrate the fact that we can all finally get back to work than by closing my laptop, binging an entire season of Vanderpump Rules, and calling it ‘research’,” noted Brooklyn 99 and The Good Place creator Michael Schur.
Though many studio projects were put on hold when the strike began in April, writing for those productions is expected to re-commence just as soon as screenwriters watch this important YouTube video on “how to bake a creme brûlée”, and checking if they have all or any of the necessary ingredients.
At press time the Writers Guild of Canada congratulated the WGA on avoiding draconian working conditions that have been the norm in Canadians writers rooms for at least a decade.
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