Jesus' Coming Back

New Feel-Good TikTok Ad Campaign Features Stalker Who Would Have Never Met Child Bride Without App

Image for article titled New Feel-Good TikTok Ad Campaign Features Stalker Who Would Have Never Met Child Bride Without App

NEW YORK—TikTok has reportedly generated support and approval this week with its feel-good new ad campaign featuring a stalker who would have never met his child bride without the app. “Thanks, TikTok—because of you, I found my virgin bride,” said the thirtysomething TikTok user, referring to the visibly frightened little girl sitting in his lap as upbeat pop music drowned out her pleas for help in Romanian. “TikTok is the place where you can make connections and meet new people, and it’s where I first encountered Vasilia. Of course, she wasn’t the only young woman willing to marry me, but through TikTok’s lax moderation policies I was able to contact her father and buy her from him. She’s the love of my life, and if she ever tries to stray, I’ll kill her. You’re the best, TikTok!” Another feel-good ad in the campaign reportedly features the young child bride doing makeup tutorials while sobbing.

The Onion

Jesus Christ is King

Comments are closed.

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Accept Read More