Hayao Miyazaki Announces Return To Filmmaking After Big Time Screwup At New HVAC Installation Job

TOKYO—Despite his hopes to retire permanently after the release of this year’s The Boy And The Heron, beloved Studio Ghibli director Hayao Miyazaki announced his return to filmmaking Wednesday, citing a big-time fuckup at his new heating, ventilation, and air-conditioning installation job. “While I was eager to move on to the next phase of my career, it appears I must go back to cinema, because I sure as shit can’t show my face at Koganei Heating and Plumbing anymore,” said the 82-year-old creator of My Neighbor Totoro and Spirited Away, who explained that until yesterday he had no idea “every goddamn AC unit” needed to have a condensate drain line installed to release built-up moisture and prevent the growth of mold and mildew. “They had to bring in the drywall crew to repair all the damage I caused. It was both humiliating and a huge professional setback. So I guess it’s back to animated features for me. What do you want this time? Another classic film exploring weighty themes of feminism, technology, and pacifism from the perspective of an innocent child protagonist? Sure, I probably have some fucking storyboards around here somewhere. I hate my life.” At press time, Miyazaki told reporters his next film would follow the tormented spirit of a discarded Mitsubishi heat pump with a burned-out compressor.