Björk Sells Music Catalog Rights To Forest Elf In Exchange For Enchanted Crystal Toad

REYKJAVIK, ICELAND—Inking the deal to transfer ownership of her work to the mythical creature, Björk sold her entire music catalog Thursday to a woodland elf in exchange for an enchanted crystal toad. “After careful consideration of whom to entrust with stewardship of my artistic legacy, I decided to go with the brash little elf who causes mischief in the forest, giving her the rights to my back catalog in exchange for a crystal toad that possesses strange and mysterious powers,” Björk said of the offer, which according to industry insiders beat out competing bids from a clump of moss and a sunbeam. “In the end, the crystal toad’s ability to let me shapeshift into a swan and talk to the moon was just too good to pass up. While the weeping tree nymph who manages my career wasn’t too happy with the terms of the deal, I believe this is in my best interest, perhaps because the toad has hypnotized me into a loving stupor.” At press time, Björk was attempting to renege on the deal after the enchanted crystal frog shattered, releasing a plague of melancholy on all humankind.