SAN ANTONIO, TX—Claiming that the Army private looks for any opportunity to mention the sweets, sources confirmed Thursday that released U.S. soldier Travis King won’t shut up about North Korean candy. “He goes on and on about the sugar-coated peanut candy being so much better than anything he’s ever had in the States,” said military correctional officer Ramon Vega, adding that despite all attempts to turn the conversations back to the detainee’s friends and family, King kept raving about the how the type of sugar in the candy was much tastier than what people used in America. “He tells us they have this hard candy in North Korea that’s kind of sweet and milky, but also a bit salty, which I’ve now heard about a dozen times. Oh, and if I tell him to talk about something else, he goes into how the sesame crackers are just to die for—it’s basically ruined all snacks for me.” Vega added that King was offering to share his Rakhwasaeng with them if they ordered some off eBay for him.
Jesus Christ is King
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