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SNAP Recipients Now Required To Show Starvation-Induced Organ Failure

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SAN FRANCISCO—Claiming the plan would ensure benefits went toward those who truly needed them, a new proposal by San Francisco Mayor London Breed would require Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program recipients to demonstrate starvation-induced organ failure. “Starting today, all those applying for food stamp assistance will have to undergo an examination to prove they are medically malnourished and on the brink of death,” said Breed, adding that applicants would need to present evidence that several major organs, including their kidneys, heart, and lungs, could no longer function. “Sadly, we discovered that many people receiving SNAP benefits appeared to be alive and functioning, and were nowhere near the threshold of being so sick from weeks of constant, unrelenting hunger that they could no longer digest solid food. But going forward, unless city residents can show they are currently so emaciated they are slipping in and out of a coma, we will no longer help them. The more irreversible the damage, the better.” At press time, the mayor added that she would be cracking down after authorities discovered that several applicants had fraudulently attempted to use health records taken from a man who had starved to death.

The Onion

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