FERNDALE, CA—Trying to ignore the awkward display of affection being carried out between the two, 15-year-old Scott Barnard reported Friday that his sister Tabitha was just sitting on her boyfriend’s lap in front of the whole family during dinner. “We haven’t even finished our meal yet, and they’re all over each other right there at the table,” said Barnard, adding that it was really uncomfortable for everyone to watch his older sister and her boyfriend, Blake Aldrich, as they spoke in weird little baby voices to each other while the rest of them were trying to eat their meal and have a conversation as if nothing out of the ordinary were happening. “Dad is sitting right across from them, talking loudly about the weekend weather forecast, but he’s clearly pissed off and just too polite to say anything about it. Oh God, now they’re feeding each other pasta.” At press time, the entire Barnard family was reportedly very much relieved after the young couple finally disappeared upstairs to fuck.
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