U.S. Mint Releases Collection Of Coins Featuring Child Molester From Every State

WASHINGTON—Unveiling a commemorative series created in honor of the nation’s most renowned pedophiles, the U.S. Mint announced the release Friday of a new collection of coins that featured a child molester from every state in the union. “This fun, collectible currency showcases each state’s most iconic child sexual predator and begins this month with the release of R. Kelly’s Illinois coin,” said the mint’s director, Ventris C. Gibson, who also unveiled the vinyl display case that enthusiasts could use to show off their collection to friends once they had acquired all 50. “Each month that follows will see the circulation of a new coin, including Jeffrey Epstein of New York, Jerry Sandusky of Pennsylvania, Larry Nassar of Michigan, and former Cardinal Theodore McCarrick of Massachusetts. Some states had so many notorious child molesters we could hardly settle on just one, so the abusers of underage teens in California, for example, are all represented together by the Hollywood sign.” Gibson added that one of the most interesting parts of the project was the mint’s decision to leave the nickel unchanged, keeping Thomas Jefferson right there where he’s always been.