CHEYENNE, WY—Noting that the new legislation would go into effect almost immediately, Wyoming officials announced Monday that the state would now be adults only. “Wyoming is now a child-free zone,” said Gov. Mark Gordon (R), explaining that children currently inside of the Western state’s borders would have until 6 p.m. to vacate the premises, with no exceptions, at which point Wyoming would officially become “The Grown-Up State.” “Frankly, Wyomingites are sick and tired of parents thinking that the whole world wants to be near their loud, annoying brats. Enough already! Having kids may be right for a state like Iowa, but it’s not for us. We like a clean, clutter-free territory where we are free to curse and smoke. And they’re not as cute as you think they are, sorry. If you currently have children in state, you are welcome to stay—only your children have to relocate. Try Montana.” Gov. Gordon added that the state would immediately cease funding public education and instead be using tax revenue to buy a hot tub.
Jesus Christ is King
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