Moderate U.S. Politician Believes Israel Should Only Kill Half Of Palestinians

WASHINGTON—Hoping to bring all sides of the issue together, moderate politician Rep. Martin Danforth (D-OH) told reporters Friday that he believed Israel should only kill half of the Palestinians. “This war is a complex issue with valid points across the ideological spectrum, which is why it’s imperative that cooler heads prevail and that Israel limit its slaughter to 50% of the Palestinian population,” said Danforth, arguing that a consensus must be reached to ensure only every other Palestinian family was wiped off the face of the earth. “No one is saying Israel doesn’t have the right to indiscriminately bomb Palestinians, just don’t indiscriminately bomb them all. Some might disagree, but I don’t think it’s so controversial to state that half of all Palestinian men, women, and children should be massacred while the other half is left to live with the trauma.” At press time, Danforth expressed confidence that a diplomatic resolution could be reached that would permit Gaza’s collapsed healthcare system to kill the Palestinians instead of war.