CALGARY – Local accountant and mass murder aficionado Larry Jones is tickled pink to witness the recent surge in media and political support for his favourite crime against humanity.
“Normally, people are either against genocide or indifferent to it, it’s so nice to see how many people and institutions have come out firmly on the side of the wholesale slaughter of thousands of innocent people,” said Jones, watching a live-stream of the destruction of Gaza with undisguised glee.
Jones, who’s been a fan of genocide since he was a child and decided that vast swathes of humans deserve to be exterminated because they weren’t like him, has spent most of his life hiding what until this week has been perceived as a shameful affection for ethnic cleansing.
“Almost every politician in Canada is wholeheartedly supporting Israel as it engages in what absolutely everyone knows is the very definition of genocide against the Palestinians in Gaza, can you believe it?” Jones said, wiping tears of joy from his eyes.
“And most of the news media is not only not criticizing these politicians for their support of this ongoing mass execution, they’re criticizing the few voices calling for an end to the violence! This is the best week of my life.”
“As a bonus, now I get to call people antisemitic for being opposed to a holocaust! How’s that for delicious irony?”
“I’ve always known that deep down, most people are like me and believe there’s nothing wrong with annihilating those at the bottom of whatever hierarchy of humanity makes them most comfortable,” Jones said.
“It’s just immensely gratifying to see the masks of empathy completely come off on a societal level.”
At press time, Jones was debating if he even needs to bother hiding his extensive collection of Nazi paraphernalia to make a TikTok expressing his complete support for Israel.
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