Man Didn’t Go To Doctor For Lecture About What Should And Should Not Go In Ass

MINNEAPOLIS—Describing the physician’s remarks as “patronizing” and “unprofessional,” local man David Kohr confirmed Tuesday that he did not go to the doctor for a lecture about what should and should not go in his ass. “Jeez, can’t you just yank it out and be on your way?” said Kohr, who reportedly struggled not to roll his eyes as the doctor droned on about the importance of not putting things into his anus that were not specifically designed for rectal insertion. “‘Foreign object’ this, ‘foreign object’ that. I don’t need all the bullshit about ‘preventative measures.’ I’m an adult. I’ll be sure not to put as many bell peppers in next time, blah, blah, blah—now just do your job! ” At press time, sources confirmed Kohr had stuck the doctor’s stethoscope into his ass in an act of defiance.