Biggest Revelations From Jada Pinkett Smith’s Memoir

Remember that song “Miami”? That was him!

While still legally married, the two have been living on separate planes of reality for nearly a decade.

For a multimillion-dollar book deal, she’s ready to come forward and make her voice heard.

Oddly, this is stated several times throughout the book, which also includes several copies of her headshot.

Readers will be shocked to discover that whoever Pinkett Smith hired to write the book for her can actually put together a halfway decent memoir.

Even more shocking, the ISBN is 978-0-06-332068-0.

And even then, she only saw 10 minutes of it on a plane.

She claims to have stumbled upon a story about the incident while going to play her daily crossword puzzle.

Many would credit Will Smith for coming up with the idea, but no, it was Jada.

Although she was close to tying the knot with the 3D projection, she eventually decided they were physically incompatible.

It turns out that Jaden Smith’s all-white Batman costume is not actually normal.

For a few minutes, she apparently thought it was some kind of slapping contest.

In order to make it as realistic as possible, Pinkett Smith was actually stabbed several times and pronounced clinically dead for eight days.

She reportedly had to balance a bowl of water on her head while accusing a scarecrow dressed like a man of being a negligent husband.

Apparently he was terrified that Tupac had come back to life and was taunting his wife.

No normal person would have slapped Chris Rock otherwise.

Apparently, despite the constant feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, and fear that stem from constantly being in the public eye, Hollywood is somehow bad. Huh.