Brought to you by: Coign
As everyone can clearly see, the end of the world is right around the corner. As you take inventory of your life and possessions, you may want to start thinking about what you’ll need when the inevitable downfall of American civilization arrives.
Thankfully, The Babylon Bee is here to provide a helpful list of everything a freedom-loving American should start hoarding before war engulfs the globe.
- Trump NFTs: There’s a decent chance these will end up being treated as currency in the civilization to come.
- Axis & Allies Anniversary Edition: You’re going to have a lot of time to play games in your underground bunker.
- Pre-censorship Dr. Seuss books: Remembering the way things once were will help you carry on.
- Copies of all your political rants from social media so you can tell everyone “I told you so!”: Important.
- The Art of the Deal: It’s important to save the foundational works of Western civilization so we can rebuild society from the ashes.
- Enough ammo to fend off billions of flesh-eating mutants: Just put it on your credit card.
- Pogs: All of the other pogs in the world will be destroyed — just think of the fortune you’ll make having the only ones.
- COVID masks: To burn for warmth.
- Donald Trump’s DNA: President Clone Trump will help us rebuild the biggest, most beautiful society anyone has ever seen, all protected by a big, beautiful Trump clone army.
Follow the list above, start gathering what you need, seal yourself up in your shelter, and you’ll be totally fine!
NOT SATIRE: Introducing Coign, America’s first credit card built by conservatives, for conservatives.
Every time you use your legacy credit card from a Big Bank, you help them send billions of dollars to organizations that hate conservatives like us. It’s a big, woke money pipeline — and it’s lining the pockets of leftist groups.
Now you have a choice: Coign, America’s only conservative credit card.
Coign donates a portion of every qualifying purchase to America-loving, difference-making organizations voted on by our cardholders*; groups like The Becket Fund for Religious Liberty, Independent Women’s Forum, and Children of Fallen Patriots.
And Coign has all the benefits you expect. We offer unlimited cash-back rewards*, zero annual fee, and no foreign transaction or deposit fees. Coign is safe, secure, and accepted everywhere that takes Visa — including gas stations, grocery stores, restaurants, online, and just about everywhere else.
Coign is the most effective tool in our war against woke. Boycotts might make a statement, but with a Coign credit card, you make a difference.
Align your dollars with your values and ditch your old, woke credit card. Switch to Coign today at www.coign.com.
*Terms apply. Credit approval required. Visit http://coign.com/disclosures for details.
A mother takes her homeschooled children to the public library, only to find it’s changed a lot since she was a kid.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction
Babylon Bee
Comments are closed.