WORLD — Billions of people across the globe instantly converted to belief in God after witnessing the utter destruction of the Houston Astros on Tuesday night.
“So, apparently there really is a loving, all-powerful God,” said former atheist Don Higgins. “After all these years of unbelief, I spend one game watching the Astros get completely dismantled and — welp, turns out God is real. Boy, do I feel dumb.”
As the broadcast of the Astros’ demolition made its way across the world, millions upon millions confessed the truth of God’s existence. “God has finally revealed Himself plainly to the world,” said long-time agnostic Kelly Reynolds. “Like Paul on the road to Damascus, the reality of a loving, perfect Creator has been made manifest in a way I can no longer deny.”
According to sources, the Astros’ win three days ago in game five of the American League Championship Series had sewn doubt even amongst the faithful. “Lord, I know you’re good and mighty — but the world seems so dark,” said long-time believer Jim Leahy. “I’m just trying to trust, even when I can’t understand.” However, after the Astros’ game seven debacle, Mr Leahy realized this was one of those ‘footprints in the sand’ moments.
At publishing time, the few remaining atheist holdouts were waiting to see if the Phillies would also lose in game seven.
A mother takes her homeschooled children to the public library, only to find it’s changed a lot since she was a kid.
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