Modern-Day Mother Teresa Waits For Player On Stretcher To Give Thumbs-Up Before Considering Fantasy Implications

STERLING HEIGHTS, MI—Demonstrating a level of selflessness and compassion for his fellow human that was worthy of sainthood, a modern-day Mother Teresa reportedly waited for an NFL player on a stretcher to give a thumbs-up Sunday before considering the fantasy football implications. When a wide receiver suffered a gruesome chest injury during a play, lay motionless on the field for several minutes, and was then placed on a stretcher, sources confirmed that bargoer Lance Douglas displayed an unshakable commitment to humankind far above and beyond the ordinary, even though the player in question was on his fantasy football squad. While those around him at the bar immediately proceeded to discuss how the star receiver’s absence for the rest of the season would affect the fantasy statistics of the team’s quarterback and other skill position players, Douglas is said to have stood alone, a beacon of magnanimity in the mold of the nun granted sainthood for standing up for the poor and downtrodden of India. According to sources, much as Mother Teresa devoted her life to helping those cast out by society die with a measure of comfort and dignity, so too did Douglas devote every fiber of his being for the six harrowing minutes to hoping that the player was going to be okay, refusing to stoop to the base fantasy football analysis of his peers when a human life hung in the balance. At press time, after observing the receiver give a thumbs-up from the stretcher as he left the field, the modern-day Mother Teresa reportedly paused for a moment to acknowledge his suffering before dropping him from his team.