Report: Free Dead Bodies Buried Underground Seemingly For The Taking

CHARLOTTE, SC—Alerting the public to “the deal of the century,” sources confirmed Monday that a number of free dead bodies buried underground were seemingly there for the taking. “None of these headstones have price tags, so I’m guessing they’re just giving away these corpses,” said bargain hunter Lewis Scheer, explaining that the sole limitation seemed to be that you could only take whatever dead bodies you dug up and hauled off yourself. “This is a great value, because some of these remains are in good condition and can fetch tens of thousands of dollars. Whatever shape or size cadaver you need, they have. Plus, if you’re lucky, you can even find some that still have flesh on the bones, which is an absolute steal.” According to reports, complimentary flowers also appeared to be offered with every dead body taken.