EDMONTON – Following yet another scheduling conflict, local couple Gregory and Alexia Carter have once again had to postpone their threesome with mutual friend Taylor Long.
“We’ve been trying to make this happen since mid-May, but one thing after another came up, and not in the sexy way,” Greg said.
“First I was exhausted by jury duty, and then Taylor was swamped by their MBA homework, and then just when it looked like it was finally going to happen, Alexia got the flu. Throw in the usual work and errands and, well, here we are.”
Sources report the threesome was first proposed when the friends shared a couple bottles of wine during a movie night and got a little flirty. However, cooler heads prevailed and it was agreed the proposal should be revisited when sober, after which progress has been limited to sporadic group texts and one attempt at sexting that petered out after the Carters’ cat threw up in their bedroom.
“We’ve covered our expectations, safety, and general ground rules, as well as pre-activity snacks, dress code, and decorum,” Long said. “Now, of course, we just have to have the sex. But in a way, we’re already 90% there.”
“It’s really important to us that our group sex feels spontaneous and carefree, and that’s why I created a Discord channel where we can collectively explore some Q4 scheduling options,” Alexia said. “If that doesn’t work then we can push this into early 2024, although I’m having my gallbladder out in January so we’ll have to factor in my recovery time. And of course Greg refuses to fuck on Super Bowl weekend, so who knows where that will leave us. We’ll have a better sense of where we stand once everyone completes my 11 page questionnaire.”
“It’s getting a bit awkward because I’ve been planning a European spring getaway,” Long admitted. “And it’s a lot easier to have a threesome over there, what with all their vacation days and fancy alcohols. I’m not saying I’m going to ditch out, but I did look up how to pronounce ‘anal’ in Italian.”
At press time, all three hypothetical participants confirmed that this was the most functional threesome they’d ever been involved in.
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