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Alcoholic Remembers Day He Sat Down And Chose To Have Addiction

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BOSTON—Taking time during his group meeting Tuesday to reflect upon how his life got to where it is now, local alcoholic Steven DeWitt reportedly recalled the day he sat down and decided to have a debilitating addiction. “I’ll never forget: I was 15 years old, some friends from school were drinking vodka at a party, and, after giving the matter some serious thought, I chose to develop a lifelong drinking problem,” DeWitt, 46, said of his conscious decision in that moment to drink through the rest of his adolescence and on into his working years so that, by the time he reached middle age, the intensifying habit would derail his career and alienate everyone he cared about. “I realized right then that of all the things I could do in this life, what I really wanted was to be an addict. Sure, the fact that everyone else in my family was an alcoholic might have made the choice easier, but I still had to decide that addiction was the right path for me.” At press time, DeWitt, who has been sober since 2020, announced his intention to relapse later this year after being overwhelmed by stress during the holidays.

The Onion

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