Fans React To Britney Spears’ Tell-All Memoir

“Just another soulless cash grab by a woman aiming to reclaim her own narrative after decades of abuse at the hands of the people closest to her and, indeed, society at large.”

“I kissed the cover and she didn’t kiss back, so fuck her.”

“She’s welcome to move back into the dungeon whenever she wants.”

“I wasn’t able to finish it, I was too busy hacking off Justin Timberlake’s head.”

“It had good paper stock. Heavy, durable, high-quality stuff. The words were printed with an admirable consistency. Ink evenly distributed. Overall, a well-made book.”

“I couldn’t dance to it.”

“The thing that you have to remember about celebrity memoirs is that it was all the ghostwriter who had an abortion for Justin Timberlake.”

“I think she should go to jail. #JailBritney! #JailBritney!”

“I thought the most compelling part was the 15 years she spent trapped in a well.”

“It was nothing like the fan fiction I wrote.”

“There were some fascinating insights into her term as the 44th president of the United States.”

“The book was delicious and very hearty!”

“It’s not a tell-all memoir at all! She doesn’t ever tell us her favorite animal, her favorite pope, or her views on the Thirty Years’ War. This is false advertising!”

“It’s so messed up that Justin Timberlake broke up with her via fortune cookie.”

“A little disappointing. I kept yelling ‘Do Lucky…now do Lucky…’ at the book, but she never sang it.”

“This is what my class got assigned to read after they banned To Kill A Mockingbird.”

“I liked the part where her ghostwriter broke the fourth wall and begged the reader to kill him.”

“You know, I once waved at someone across the street who looked a lot like her, and that bitch didn’t even bother to mention me in the book.”

“I had to auto-tune it in my head out of habit.”

“Crazy that she aborted Justin Timberlake’s baby onstage at the VMAs.”

“It was so good that it made her conservatorship totally worth it.”

“I got all choked up about her abortion and how she deprived the media the opportunity to mercilessly judge and criticize her for it.”