Rural America Becomes Cybernetic Metropolis After Gaining Access To High-Speed Internet

WASHINGTON—After the nation’s vast stretches of countryside were replaced almost overnight by sprawling, futuristic cityscapes, government officials confirmed Wednesday that programs aimed at bringing high-speed internet to underserved areas had turned rural America into a cybernetic metropolis. “As soon as they had modern broadband and faster download speeds, these small communities began merging into a highly advanced utopia with the most sophisticated technology on the planet,” said Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack, whose department oversees efforts to improve internet access in rural America and who verified reports that Kansas and Nebraska were now crisscrossed with a network of hover-rail lines that traversed a seemingly endless expanse of gleaming glass skyscrapers. “For years, we’ve talked about electronic connectivity being the key to economic development in rural areas, and indeed, most of the nation’s farming is now carried out by either human-machine hybrids or grain elevators that have achieved consciousness. Of course, agriculture will be obsolete once these small-town Americans have abandoned their bodies and uploaded their minds to a centralized grid.” Vilsack later added that most of the Corn Belt was now a single conscious entity called ╟♦ëσâ∞►Φ╕.