EVANSTON, IL—Tossing and turning to no avail, local man Sam King was seen squirming around Thursday as his wife placed him in a Halloween costume against his will. “Be a big boy and put it on,” wife Bridget King said as she tried to wrestle her husband into an adorable pumpkin costume ahead of a Halloween party, her spouse wildly kicking and wailing in agony. “I don’t understand—I thought you loved pumpkins. You want candy, don’t you? Then you better start cooperating. You’re going to this party dressed as a pumpkin whether you like it or not, mister, and that’s that. Come on, let’s try to smile. You’re just the cutest little pumpkin in the whole patch!” At press time, Bridget King was reportedly pulling her pouting, costumed husband to the party in a wagon after he refused to walk there.
Jesus Christ is King
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