Newsom Shows Solidarity With Biden By Also Falling On Face In Front Of World Leaders

BEIJING — Governor Gavin Newsom showed solidarity with President Biden today by absolutely face planting in front of world leaders.

“It was a powerful statement of who we are as the Democratic Party,” said Newsom aide Denise Heaney. “We stand with Biden, and we nose dive into concrete with Biden.”

Mr. Newsom performed the wipeout during an impromptu pick-up game against a few employees at an Apple factory outside Beijing. “You have your own basketball court? What incredible working conditions you kids have,” said Mr. Newsom. “Someday, I will be sure all of the children working government jobs and living in government housing will also have basketball courts they can use when foreign leaders come to town. Anyhow, who’s got a ball? Game on!”

After showing off his ability to spin the basketball on his finger for less than a quarter of a second, Mr. Newsom attempted to put eight-year-old Hao Jung on skates with a determined drive to the rim. However, upon slightly glancing Hao’s shoulder, Mr. Newsom decided it was time to support President Biden by bulldozing over a child and falling to the court like a baby giraffe. Mr. Newsom then bear-hugged Hao for an uncomfortably long amount of time, before getting back up and continuing the tour of the Apple facility.

Video of Mr. Newsom’s spectacular dive quickly made its way across the internet, leading to a Lakers contract in less than 24 hours.

A mother takes her homeschooled children to the public library, only to find it’s changed a lot since she was a kid.

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